I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
