a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
