Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize