i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
