just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
