i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize