He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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