This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize