on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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