Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
