I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
