I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize