it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I want to make a zoo with you.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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