So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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