just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
