I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
