When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
vagina is talking i cant
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
