When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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