lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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