yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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