i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
