dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
