She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize