i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
