I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
