Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
