Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
