I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
