I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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