This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
