Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
