I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
