oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
