I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
