Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
