you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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