I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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