I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
