the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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