remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
