and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
