Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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