I wish I only lived at night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
