She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
