And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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