I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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