There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
