i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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