Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
