I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
