Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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