You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's shark week go big or go home
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
