Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
