I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
