So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i've created a new STD.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
