we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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