You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
