the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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