How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
