Tell her she can't have a vagina
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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