I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
