i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
