At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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