found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
