Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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