Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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