Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
