babies were throwing up all over the place
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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