am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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