i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
