Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The air was thick with penises
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
