I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
