You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
