it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
