i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
