he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
