I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
