explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
