did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
