If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
