I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
