Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
