Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
