Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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