you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
