My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
