Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
