dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
