i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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