I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She told me I should be a condom model.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
