first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
